I dreamt of a wedding last night, they say that means something's gonna die
And what with a war waging now, I guess I needn't wonder why
Can I get a witness?

The story for today: Pulmonary Function Test or How to Do A Lot of Nothing and Get ALL Jazzed Up . . .

This morning I awoke around 8:30 to Michael Stipe piping about something we should all be doing or not doing, I dunno which one it was. I had a PFT (Pulmonary Function Test) for 9AM at the hospital. I brush my teeth pull some clothes on and go over to the hospital half awake. My script (doctor-talk for prescription) said I had to go to the 3rd floor, so I do. I find the place, ring the buzzer, sit and then wait. no reading material on the table, save a coupla brochures for Sleep Studies and some religious tracts, one in Portuguese. Kooky. A lady comes out and greets me, then a dude and both invite me to wait another minute. The lady comes back out, tells me she's wrestling with the printer and she's waiting for a maintenance guy to fix it.
"Know anything about printers?" she half-jokingly asks. "The printer's not jammed, it's just acting up." I suggest she unplug it and try again. And that works.
"We'll have to comp your test," she jokes. There are some other things she's got to fix as well, so I'd best go get some coffee downstairs cuz it'll be 15-20 minutes before she's ready. So I go back home, make a cup of coffee, field a call from the mechanic who says my car inspection IS going to be expensive, it's just a matter of how much money now. Heading back over, I have my coffee mug with me and return to the 3rd floor. They redirect me to the lobby area to register. Aren't I pre-registered? Yes, but you have to register and check in. Ok . . . this means waiting another half hour. While waiting, a hottie pharm rep walks in the front door and disappears. I finally get my registry interview form signing stuff, and then back upstairs. The hottie pharm rep rides the elevator up too. Where'd she come from? AMAZINGingly beautiful . . . I nod and smile, just a polite acknowledgement as I'm sure she must get hit on ALL the time.

Back on 3, they take me in to the little office and get set up. For a PFT, you breathe air into a machine: regular breathing first, then a big forceful breath push, and then they have you hyperventilate into the machine. You get so light headed . . . The guy running the test was pretty cool. More like a coach than a clinical guy, so it made for a more pleasant visit. After the initial battery of tests, he administered albuterol ( a broncho dialator) through an inhaler. I don't use my inhaler at home very often, just on an as needed basis. Albuterol is chemically similar to caffienne and he gave me a lot. more than I use even if I need it in a bad way. I know i sound like a junkie. He says, wait five minutes for that to take effect, I'll be back. I looked out the window, completely tweaked. He came back and we did the second battery of tests. Then of course the printer fails, and the power cord trick fails too. No lung function printout to put on the fridge. Dang! so they say no sweat, the insurance still gets billed. As I'm leaving, this guy from my old neighborhood walks in. Growing up there were three blonde girls, one in my grade, who lived up the street from me. Their dad is a doctor and I guess he works in South Side hospital. We said hey how are you and stuff, and then it was off to work. Yeah and then crossing the parkign lot, too, was the hottie pharm rep. :D
Yes, I'm all jazzed up on caffienne and caffienne-like stuff . . . but I think I' m starting to settle a little now. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh . . . :)

Here's a story from a month ago or so ... I was reluctant to share it, but then changed my mind.

My Puerile / Senile Rant: This isnt' pretty . . . Ever have one of those days where there isn't anything too too bad that happens but you feel shitty all the same? That would be yesterday. Work was OK, nothing exceptional. So it was neutral. Then I go to tutor. The 500 is a human sardine can, sans mustard sauce. Although this lady was telling me that some guy almost huked before he made it off the bus so . . . anyways, it was crowded. On the upside of that ride, halfway there, there were three college coeds who the driver let squeeze on (I was at the very front of the bus), and it was kinda like coed Neopolitan Ice cream: a blonde a brunette and a redhead, all cutie-pies. So being squished between them made the ride a bit more tolerable.So I get to tutoring. I made some good progress with my tutee, and he says out of the blue: "You look really old." Mind you, this is coming from a 12 yr old, so I imagine ! 23 is pushing the limits of something, let alone 28. But then afterwards his mom says, "You're like the Granpa who says: Come hear and sit down, you're gonna learn something." Which is I guess why I'm there, and it's a compliment sorta, cuz my guy is learning stuff apparently, but I'm not even 30 and I'm a grandpa? HUH?!??!?! what am I senile? anyways . . . so then I go to play racquetball, and that was super frustrating, but at least it worked out in the end. So ... I get home ... all bent, and I wanna go for a beer. Yeah, i'll go for like one beer. it's 11:30, so I'll be flying solo, kind of a given. Everyone is already home, ready for bed or soon to be. I think, i'll go to Dee's cuz maybe I'll see someone i know there. and I step outside and think, no it's a bit far, there'll be nobody I know there. Everyone is already home, ready for bed or soon to be. So I wander over to another local bar. It's a bit busy, but there's an open stool at the far end of the bar, and I sit. "Iron City" says, I. Then I start watching Letterman. On one side is a lat thirties couple, all googly with each other, which is cool. And next to me on the other side are two women and a guy: all 3 are in their mid to late forties (Who was just moaning about age?). They look local. I assume two of the three are a married couple or something. And they're talking about whatever. I'm watching Letterman. This guy on the show is doing bird calls, and it's funny funny funny. The dude with the two women rolls around to see what's funny. He;s standing behind me... like right behind me... wierd, but whatever, the TV;s at angle so ... I lean forward. Then I'm about done with my one beer, about to shake out when the bartender and these three are like "you got a beer coming." "No, I'm good thanks." These three are quite insistent that I stay for another beer. I have hardly spoken to them . . . wierd ! . . . so I shrug, say 'OK, thanks." An they go on talking about whatever. I sip my new beer and keep watching TV. Some hottie blonde actress comes on, and she's funny. starts talking about leather outfits . . . the dude says, "LEatHEer OUtfiTS? well Well WELL ... " and looks at me and then his friends and smiles. Awkward feeling of "you've-been-bought-a-different-beer-than-you-thought" washes over me, feeling increased as dude, stands behind me, and is now sorta leaning against me ... I lean forward and away from him. And it becomes apparent what is going on. "Friendly-local-guy-out-with-wife-and-wife's-friend beer" is revealed to be "I-think-you're-cute beer." How naieve am I? how unawares like clueless little boy (hence the puerile) am I? I dunno. So I finish my beer, nod and say an expressionless thanks ... " and I leave. I mean, it coulda been worse right? So on the way home i see my neighbor friends, Mike and Tammy. ! I say hi, I tell 'em aobut my naieve beer, and they giggle, and they tell me they were at Dee;s. "Oh I'm surprised you weren't there, all of you're friends were there. It was fun! :P . . . yeah i guess it coulda been worse, but i jsut had to rant.

Huh . . . sounds like I got some stuff to work out, but that there's hope and promise ahead. Now if we could only say the same for the rest of the world, US foreign policy and international relations. Seems like there's a lot of stuff there to be worked out. As many folks are saying, looking outside the US for your news seems to be the best approach . . . even the Canadians who back us on so many things aren't with GW . . . they'll help us fight terror in the Gulf and elsewhere, but no help kickin' out Saddam. We've got a sticky wicket folks . . .

I tried posting this earlier, but of course it disappeared right after I tried to post it. Quite fitting somehow ....
I woke this morning from a dream. As the weather was warm enough to leave the windows open and sunlight lit my room this morning, it was late May or early June in my dream. Definitely later in Spring. I was portaging a canoe thru the shallow bits of a stream and then pushed it on out into deeper waters. Fitting enough as I look back, it was possibly a snooze bar dream, so pushing back into the water of the subconscious seems quite appropriate. In real waking life, this lake is formed from a stream and I know it well from canoeing there often. When I would go, it was often shallower in some parts, shallow enough that you could see the tops or dorsal fins of the carp in the water. It was usually muddy too. As I wend my way along in my canoe, a stranger, also in a canoe and wearing a red cloak that hides his face accosts me. I politley acknowledge hima dn then try ignore him, but he persists, almost as if he wants to fight. I push myself away from his canoe with my paddle and head from the stream area out to where it's deeper lake water. The carp clear out, and there is an alligator making his way towards me. So I turn to head back into the stream where I figure I am safer. The gator nudges my boat and goes on his way. As I head into the stream where red cloak is waiting to meet me again. As he sidles up next to me he persists and I push him away with my paddle, he persits more and I poke him in the belly with my paddle. His legs and pelvis remain fixed to the seat, but his torso falls off and over into his canoe, revealing machinery and wires. My vanquished nemesis is a red cloaked robot, and paddling past him, I awoke. Kooky, methinks ... and this is what I found in the online dream dictionary stuff:
Spring To dream about spring is a sign of fortunate undertakings and cheerful companions.
May To dream of this month denotes prosperous times and pleasure for the young. Do not be discourage.
June Will have good earnings but must rely on own good judgement. Avoid rivals.

Canoe To see a canoe in your dream, represents serenity, simplicity, and independence. It is also a reflection of your emotional balance. You are moving ahead via your own power and determination.
Lake To see a lake in your dream, signifies your emotional state of mind. If the lake is clear and calm, then it symbolize your inner peace. If the lake is disturbed, then you may be going through some emotional turmoil.
Stream To see a stream in your dream, signifies that you will come upon a flow of fresh and profound ideas.
To see a frozen stream in your dream, indicates that your emotions have grown cold and hardened. This may reflect your hurt feelings which you need to confront and deal with.

Carp To see a carp in your dream, indicates that you need to put aside your pride and ego and not let it get in the way of friendships and relationships.
Alligator To see an alligator in your dream, signifies treachery, deceit, and hidden instincts. It may be a signal for you to take a new perspective on a situation. Alternatively, the alligator represents healing powers and qualities.
According to biblical interpretations, an alligator suggests that leviathan is king over the children of pride. (Psa 74:14, Job 41:1, Isa 27:1)
Chase To dream that you are being chased, signifies that you are avoiding a situation that you do not think is conquerable. It is often a metaphor for some form of insecurity. In particular, to dream that you are chased by an animal, represents your own unexpressed and unacknowledged anger which is being projected onto that animal. Alternatively, you may be running away from a primal urge or fear.
Cloak If see a torn or ragged cloak in your dream, signifies a separation between you and a friend or lover.
Adversary To dream that you are confronted by an adversary, signifies that you will defend any attacks against your interest.
To dream that you overcome an adversary, denotes that you will escape the effects of some serious disaster.
Red This is an indication of great passion and sensitivity in your emotional relationships.
Robot To see a robot in your dream, indicates that you are going about life in a mechanical and rigid way. You have lost the ability to express your feelings. Alternatively, a robot may symbolize the way you view your working life.

Happy St. Patrick's Day . . . !

Thanks for the tip Chris Rudolph! Speaking of Freedom Toast

A Poetry by e e cummings - As Freedom Is a Breakfast Food

as freedom is a breakfastfood
or truth can live with right and wrong
or molehills are from mountains made
--long enough and just so long
will being pay the rent of seem
and genius please the talentgang
and water most encourage flame

as hatracks into peachtrees grow
or hopes dance best on bald men's hair
and every finger is a toe
and any courage is a fear
--long enough and just so long
will the impure think all things pure
and hornets wail by children stung

or as the seeing are the blind
and robins never welcome spring
nor flatfolk prove their world is round
nor dingsters die at break of dong
and common's rare and millstones float
--long enough and just so long
tomorrow will not be too late

worms are the words but joy's the voice
down shall go which and up come who
breasts will be breasts thighs will be thighs
deeds cannot dream what dreams can do
--time is a tree (this life one leaf)
but love is the sky and i am for you
just so long and long enough

[Poem: "as freedom is a breakfast food" by e.e. cummings.

The last time THis happened didn't World War I start?

OK, well before raising the alarm and cranking the cat's tail, I must admit circumstances were different, but still, aren't there more deserving people of that out there?

Word for the day: inculcate (verb) -
1. teach and impress by frequent repetitions or admonitions
Synonyms: instill, infuse

For those of you who are fans of Cat Power, see the links part of this page, or click Morning Becomes Eclectic :

Cat Power
The very charming Chan Marshall of Cat Power performs her dreamy songs and a couple of classics on electric guitar and piano for Morning Becomes Eclectic listeners at 11:15am.
Aired Thursday, February 27, 2003. [MORE]

So I'm finding that the compromises in life are ever present. And some of us are cat-like in the sense that we often land on our feet . . . or we're lucky. I can't tell which I am, but things are sorta working out.
I played the Rex last night, and went second-to-last in the run of folks. There was one even more persistent fella who played after me, so mad props to him.
I was feeling sorta pantsed before leaving home and going out to play, and when I signed up I was #18 on the list. Ok, so everybody gets 3 songs, few folks play shorties like I do (ie songs under three minutes), so figure that's at least ten minutes a pop, plus like five minutes interlude, for intro, applause, "Am I plugged in?" "Shit, I have to tune!" and the like . . . 15min * 18people = 270 min / 60min = 4.5 hrs . . . fortunately they started before I was there, and some folks got up and left, so I didn't wait for as long as that ...

It was like after 1AM when I go up. I was about ready to concede, but then some of the folks who were playing before me had already conceded or left rather, so they call me up. I wanted to play this new song, but didn't think I'd remember the lyrics. I was totally hazy. I say, "I'll play just one, well maybe two, cuz I'll need a warm up song." My pals Marty and Madge and Ray the talking drum man, are chanting "3! 3! 3! 3!" I didn't think it was in there. And then they came out, not perfectly, but out they came. The songs, in a relaxed (how else do you play after a few beers and sitting for a few hours ?) tone that I was pretty surprised to hear. Huh . . . but what's most important was the enthusiasm the audience gave me. All four or maybe five of them were brilliant, and as one guy had said earlier in the evening about the small audience (the audiences are typically small) you may be little but you're noisy and that's what counts.

So I had to wait a little while to play, but it was all worth it in the end. Sometimes you have to not have something to know what you had. I'm learning that in several arenas. But let's stay in this one: as one guy from Denver visiting family here in town said last night after he played, "this Rex theater is great. We don't have anything like this in Denver, so enjoy it while you can!"

Oh, something else I'd learned, forgotten and relearned from all of this experience: Save your enthusiasm for the stage. What I mean by that is, if you enjoy somebody;s work (acting, juggling, fire-eating, music) let them know while they're on the stage with your applause and cheers. Afterwards, if they're not super-saturated in a conversation, it's nice to say, "Thanks for playing, I enjoyed your work." Same thing applies for any time after when, maybe even days after, you see this person: "Thanks for playing, I enjoyed your work." That's nice cuz it means you remembered and it really did make an impression. But if you see somebody in a car out on the street after 2AM, you may freak them out a little, or surprise them to say the least, if you spring up to the window pointing and shouting "DUDE, YOU ROCK!"

Don't do that. That;s bad form. That person will take that action differently from how you probably intend it to go. Trust me.

"We cannot expect that all nations will adopt like systems, for conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth."
John F. Kennedy

"The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining."
John F. Kennedy

"The relationship between the soundness of the body and the activities of the mind is subtle and complex. Much is not yet understood. But we do know what the Greeks knew: that intelligence and skill can only function at the peak of their capacity when the body is healthy and strong; that hardy spirits and tough minds usually inhabit sound gods."
John F. Kennedy

"If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him."
John F. Kennedy

"The life of the artist is, in relation to his work, stern and lonely. He has labored hard, often amid deprivation, to perfect his skill. He has turned aside from quick success in order to strip his vision of everything secondary or cheapening. His working life is marked by intensive application and intense discipline."
John F. Kennedy

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
John F. Kennedy

"A full scale nuclear exchange, lasting less than 60 minutes... could wipe out more than 300 million Americans, Europeans, and Russians, as well as untold numbers elsewhere. And the survivors - as Chairman Khrushchev warned the Communist Chinese, 'the survivors would envy the dead.' For they would inherit a world so devastated by explosions and poison and fire that today we cannot conceive of its horrors."
John F. Kennedy

"Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures."
John F. Kennedy

From Dictionary dot com . . .

Word of the Day for Tuesday March 4, 2003
votary \VOH-tuh-ree\, noun:
1. One who is devoted, given, or addicted to some particular pursuit, subject, study, or way of life.
2. A devoted admirer.
3. A devout adherent of a religion or cult.
4. A dedicated believer or advocate.

When she held out her hand to receive the glass, she had more the air of a full-grown Bacchante, celebrating the rites of Bacchus, than a votary at the shrine of Hygeia.
--Pamela Neville-Sington, Fanny Trollope

Perhaps most amazingly, votaries of "diversity" insist on absolute conformity.
--Tony Snow, "Lifestyle police: Enough already," USA Today, June 10, 1996

It must be remembered that undisguised atrocities on a stupendous scale. . . would be too strong for the stomach of even the most brutalized people, and would tend to bring war into discredit with all but its monomaniac votaries.
--"The Idea of a League of Nations," The Atlantic, February 1919

Votary comes from Latin votum, "vow," from the past participle of vovere, "to vow, to devote." Related words include vow and vote, originally a vow, hence a prayer or ardent wish, hence an expression of preference, as for a candidate.

Synonyms: adherent, devotee, supporter. Find more at Thesaurus.com.

This lady is from Holland and she does some excellent art.

And the word for today: sirocco . . . it's the name for any hot wind from the desert, but more specifically a wind that originates in the Sahara and blows across the Mediterranean wherein it it picks up moisture.

From Dictinary dot com -
Word of the Day for Friday February 21, 2003aggress \uh-GRES\, intransitive verb:
To commit the first act of hostility or offense; to make an attack.

Nagaraj can never bring himself to aggress or fight back, but he is capable of a delicious malice.
--Julian Moynahan, "India of the Imagination. . . ," New York Times, July 15, 1990

The hand . . . is the most versatile of organs. Through its agency we lift, pinch, squeeze, explore, feel, learn, discriminate, repulse, caress, aggress.
--F. Gonzalez-Crussi, "The Hand," Washington Post, July 19, 1998

A master of drawing, Rico Lebrun, discovered that "the draftsman must aggress; only by persistent assault will the live image capitulate and give up its secret to an unrelenting line."
--Annie Dillard, "Write Till You Drop," New York Times, May 28, 1989
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aggress is from French agresser, from Latin aggredi, aggress-, "to approach, to approach aggressively, to attack," from ad-, "to" + gradi, "to step, to walk."

subtle (adjective satellite) -
1. faint and difficult to analyze
"subtle aromas"

2. working or spreading in a hidden and usually injurious way
"glaucoma is an insidious disease"; "a subtle poison"
Synonyms: insidious, pernicious

3. be difficult to detect or grasp by the mind
"his whole attitude had undergone a subtle change"; "a subtle difference"; "that elusive thing the soul"
Synonyms: elusive

4. able to make fine distinctions
"a subtle mind"

From Eric Boehlert's Salon article on Clear Channel, and the possibility / plausibility that they can become an even bigger (as in multi- ) media monopoly:
"When one company dominates an industry, it can leverage its monopoly power in all kinds of unpleasant ways, both politically and economically. Does anyone really want what happened to radio to happen to TV, or newspapers, or cable television?"
Something akin to Disney buying out Gannet . . . and then we have our own Mickey Truth and our own Mini-Truth ... uhmmm ... hold on a second, George. That sounds familiar ...

A word I discovered in the dictionary (while looking up a different word) researching a paper I'm working on:

crissum (kris em) - n., pl. crissa (kris e). Zool. the feathers or area surrounding a birds cloacal opening. {N. Lat. < Lat. crissare, to move the buttocks during intercourse.}

Just goes to show that everything's done under the sun and well documented for some time now. We don't even have a term for that in English . . . crazy Romans.

Education will broaden your horizons

I just wrote a buncha crap that I thought was witty and clever, and it was really crap. Just goes to prove that writing is and always will be a task that requires revision and patience. Walk away from it for a moment and then come back. You may change your mind a thousand times. I started writing in the first place because I made a decision and didn't change my mind. Because I made a decision and stuck with it, and though the doubts were all there, the rewards were even better, and made it worthwhile.
I decided to play a new open mic. No big deal, right? I've played three: the BBT, the Rex, and Club Cafe. All have their own charms... but I ventured into the Shadow Lounge last night to check out their open mic. I know a coupla folks who told me they played there. So, last Thursday I poked my head in to see what it's about. The guy gave me the scoop: open mic Wed., bands and groups stuff Fridays. There was a subtext there, but I didn't glean all of it's meaning until last night when I showed up at 8:30. Two guys sitting at the counter, one works there, maybe the other guy too, but he looks more like a regular. This is a smoke-free coffeshop venue with BYOB policy. There's some hip-hop flowing in the background music, and I ask about the open mic.
"Yeah, you're kinda early but it's tonight. It usually doesn't start till 9. What do you play?"
"Mostly originals, but a few covers. I don't really know how to classify myself aside from that." He nods and smiles, I order a spiced-apple drink, sit and start reading a magazine. A third guy shows up and starts talking with the two guys at the counter; they all know each other. I assume there will be a sign - up list, an EmCee / Host and they will say, hey, you can sign - up and folks will trickle in.
After forty-five minutes, a few more folks show up: three college age kids. They nod to everybody and sit off to the side. About half an hour later, a girl and her date come in. I walk up to the counter, get a second drink and ask about the open-mic again.
"Oh well you can play whenever, it's really just you, " and he smiles. So I say how about now, get my electric guitar out and he hooks me up to an amp.
Music fades out and find myself sitting on a stool in a big big room, with six people. See, when you play solo guitar, or guitar by yourself, I should say, it's you and a guitar. No rhythm section, no drums, it's pretty cut and dry. The three colllege kids pull up chairs and sit waiting.

"Hi my name is Matt. I'm gonna play some originals, maybe a cover. I'll start with the first song I ever wrote, My baby doesn't Love me Anymore" It occurs to me as I start into the first line, playing and singing, that I have in effect walked into a roadside bar in Texas with Hank Williams, Jr playing (not Hanks version 1.0 or 3.0, there's a difference there, believe you me), asked to play some songs and then I bust out a tweak scratch with me and my beatbox freakystylin' some'in some'in. Uhhh ... but in reverse.

The place is quiet, and then the golf clap and and a smile in the corner and I continue.
"This song is about how my love life sucks," and play 'Another girl I met along the way.' Golf claps.
I play "I Don't Know" (the 'Jet Aeroplane' song as some know it). Golf clap, and heads turnign over looking like, uhmmm I dunno. Hard to say, but kinda like, is he done yet?
"I'll play this last one, and then turn it over to you guys. It's called "Don't Go Sayin (that you love me)." And after that, there was applause, hmmmm. OK, so ther'e glad i'm done. well they sorta sat there and while I'm waitng for the guy to come unplug me from the amp, I figure I'll just provide the instrumental background ... and play the Kumler BossaNova bit.

"What's that called?"
"YOu got words for that?"
"I want to try something . . ."
And I step away from the mic, one guy starts a free style lyric about chillin' with his buds the day after a party. it's like Sunday afternoon chill music, he says.
Suddenly ther'es a drum kit uncovered, and the three are rotating on the mic while I lay down guitar bit. Then the drum gets the kabosh and some pre recorded beats come out. Kooky! We played until the beats switched over to some seventies sorta stuff, with a disco backdrop, and then I unplugged. I can't cut it with a full orchestra and beats and stuff ... Dang . . . somehow that fits! I'm not claiming suddenly to have flow and mad skillz. But how did it work? The trick is listening, hearing and playing with your heart. Oh yeah, and don't forget about respect. Always be respectful. Enjoy your music and let everybody else have fun too.

MUCH THANKS to everyone who came out to see the show at the Rex Saturday. :D And much thanks to BJ O'Malley and Louie and the Humans (Madge and Marty). It was great fun.

If you missed out, don't worry: I'll try to let everyone know about future shows.